I've come to a realization

Written in 2011:

***Warning, Post of Self Discovery***


I came to a realization last night after a day of some self pity:

I am so afraid of failure that I've already failed!



One of my goals this year was to continue my journey toward a healthier life and weight loss.  Though I have made several positive changes, my weight loss has become stagnant.  I feel better then I ever have, I have more energy, I enjoy working out, but because my weight hasn't reflected those changes I feel I've failed. 


I also feel like I am setting myself up for failure.  I'll make some bad food choices, then in my head think:

"Well, I've already messed up today, may as well go all out the rest of the day." 

That is not the kind of thinking I should have.  I should instead forgive myself for that mistake of the day, and continue on the path I've set for myself.

I'm always going to have days where temptation will overtake me.  But if I set my environment up to where I can't fail, then I'll find that success that I need.


Update February 2012:

I wrote that little tidbit last year around October when I'd been struggling with where I was or wasn't going.  Since the first of the year I've been more involved in finding out why I haven't been losing the weight.  I have finally figured it out, and though I'm still tweaking, I'm excited where this year will take me.

I'm so grateful for the help and support I have from my friends and family.  I know without their love and encouragement I would have failed and given up on myself a long time ago.

I'm happy to announce that since the first of the year I've lost 9 pounds!!  I still have my days where I have the pity party and eat whatever is in sight, but I'm learning that those foods which are bad for me are poison I don't want invading my body.  I hope to find some healthy alternatives to my "bad" foods and will post those recipes I find them.  I hope you have found your driving force to a happier and healthier life.  If not, please feel free to use my journey as a stepping point and know I'm always there to lend a helping hand.

New Commitment

This summer has gone by so fast!  As such though, my workouts slowed down which isn't good.  Luckily Team BeachBody introduced their BeachBody Challenge with an opportunity to win up to $100,000 just for committing and entering your results!



I have decided to restart ChaLEAN Extreme, and have just finished my first week.

I'm pushing myself more in lifting heavier, so I'm proud of myself for that.   I'm ready to break through this plateau that has plagued me for so long and get fit and healthy.

Are you ready to Commit, Decide, Succeed??

Spring Awakenings

As the temperature is rising, I look around to the renewal of spring and the birth of new beginnings.

I also reflect on the journey I've been on this past year.  Taking that first step towards a healthier me was a very hard decision. I look at the me a year ago, and I'm appalled that I even thought I was happy.  I was anything but happy with myself and the situation I had put myself in. I was destroying myself from the inside out, spiraling out of control without breaks.

Although I wish I could have been closer to my goals, I'm happy with the progress I've made.  I've got tons of demons I still need to face head on though. Those voices that tell me I'm not progressing so I should just give up.  Or if I make a poor choice with what I eat, I beat my self up and say that's it..may as well keep going.  I've tried really hard to keep those demons at bay, but it's been a little hard lately.

Though it's still a few week until it's officially been one year since starting on my journey, I'm recommitting to ME!  I can do this and no negative thoughts, temptations, guilt, etc will stand in my way.  How can I when I've come this far?

P90X Results

Well, it's been just over a week since I started my second round of P90X.  So I thought I would post my pictures from the first 90 days so you can see my progress.  I lost a total of 16 inches during the whole 90 days.  Not quite up to what I lost with Power 90, but combine them both and I've lost a total of 33.5 inches since April.  Not too shabby I'd say.  I have dropped from a size 22 pants (could fit into a tight 20 with the right cut) to a size 15/16.  I haven't been that size in nearly 11 years.

I can see some subtleties which is better then nothing at all I suppose.  I'm not giving up though.  I've worked too hard to do that. This new round of P90X is the lean version.  With more cardio I'm hoping to lose more, since I won't be buffing up my muscles as much.  Not that it's a bad thing.  Just need to get some more inches off. Wanna see my progress since starting in April?  I know you wanna!!  Here you go:

I feel amazing, and what's more, as I'm making a difference in my life I'm also inspiring others.  I signed up as a BeachBody coach because I want to help others in their journey.  You're not alone.  I never thought I would make this kind of change in my life, and BeachBody has played a huge part in that...so why not pay it forward. Even though I still have a ways to go, I'm on the right track.  Nothing can stop me now.

Bring It!

Well, I finished my 90 days of Power 90! When I first started, I was out of breath, could hardly do 10 jumping jacks, push ups were almost nonexistent, and I thought I was going to die. Well, now I hardly get out of breath, I'm able to do jumping jacks, I've done nearly 45 push ups in one workout, and though I still feel like dying I feel soo much better then I did when I started.

Here's my Before and After the 90 days:


This is me 20 pounds lighter and a total of 17 3/4 inches off my body. How amazing is that?!? Although I would have liked bigger results, I'm extremely happy with them anyway.

Now onto the next chapter on my journey towards a healthy life. P90X!! Amy, Bradd, Diana and I began this program on August 2nd. We are now 3 days in, and loving every minute of it. I hope to bring bigger and better results with P90X as it lives up to it's extreme name. I hope you are inspired by my feeling of accomplishment, because if I can do P90X...I can do ANYTHING!!